Travel with China: How much sex is too much?


Once again, I was on another road trip out of Port Harcourt. I would be watching my 1070th football match, and yes, I am still counting.
Ever since my 1000th game on April 15, 2018, I have slowed down on watching football because the road trips get more difficult, bad roads, security and all. Then again, the foreign trips have been few and far between. But it was a road trip and it would always be exciting.
First, I would be travelling with Ufuoma Egbamuno, his wife, a cameraman and my partner.
Departure time would be 9am but as usual, my cameraman would arrive late.
At 8.50am, Ufuoma (another rare time keeper) called to find out if I was on my way. I was ready, and having breakfast, but my camera man had called two minutes earlier (as usual) to say he was at Waterlines, a place, at least 30 minutes away on a Sunday morning. We had no choice, but to wait for him.
My travel partner (names withheld, but for the sake of this write up, I will call her Natasha) had arrived and we were having breakfast. I packed some drinks, bottles of palm wine, a bottle of Vodka (which she specifically requested) some disposable cups and we were ready to move.
Funny thing is that I had not even called Natasha that morning. We last spoke on Thursday and I told her that departure time would be 9am on Sunday morning and that I expect her at the house at 8.30am. At 8.45 am, my gateman called to say there was a light skinned lady waiting for me and I told him to usher her in.
“Ah! Natasha!” I exclaimed to her as she walked in. “How long have you been waiting at the gate?”
“I left my house at ten minutes to eight o. I have been at your gate since eight o clock. I couldn’t come in because of your dogs, so I just sat outside,” she responded.
“So, why didn’t you just call me? For how long were your planning to sit out there?”
“Well, my phone battery had run out. I could not reach you. But remember, you told me you would leave at 9 o clock. So, my plan was to sit there until 9. If I did not see your car drive out, I’d just go back home or to church.”
That was a smart move, because I would not have been able to reach her.
Creamy Sugar
Ufuoma’s wife, Chizoba, also known as Creamy Sugar, was a bundle of excitement. She couldn’t hide her joy at the road trip. We had to drop off their kids at her parents’ place, then off we went to Omoku, where we would watch a football game, have fun at the poolside of the Krisdera Hotel and then return to Port Harcourt the next day.
The game in itself, Go Round FC versus Ijebu United was an eyesore. It was one of the worst things I had seen in a long time, but we endured the 90 minutes because that was why we were in Omoku. It ended 0-0, a result that was worse for me because I am part of the home team.
It was amusing that I had gone to knock on their door (Ufuoma and his wife) at a quarter past two to let them know I was heading to the stadium. Creamy sugar opened the door to say they would join us later. Ufuoma was sat on the bed. So I told them they did not have to come to the stadium at the same time as me.
But in the evening, Creamy revealed that knocking on the door at that time disturbed something inside the room.
When I probed harder, she gave out her infectious Etche style laughter and went, “We bin one take one hand before you knocked o”
As mischievous as I could get, I asked if they continued after I left and it was a good opportunity for Creamy to take a good jibe at her husband.
“Don’t mind him,” she chided. “I just offered him some low hanging fruit and he started taking off his shirt. Lucky for me, his shirt was tight and refused to come off. He was too much in a hurry.
“But help me ask him, why he was taking off his shirt? What did he want to achieve?” She asked, and I wasn’t sure if she was asking me, or him.
Natasha just continued to hide her face in shame, obviously wondering what she had gotten herself into. I believed in her mind, she would be asking herself, “What kind of woman is this Creamy?”
As if Creamy knew, she turned to Natasha, and asked her, referring to me, “I hope you have offered him something o.”
Natasha screamed in shock, “Something like what?” and then she ran off.
We had dinner at a joint outside the hotel. On our way there I reminded them of the story of Linus at the University of Port Harcourt who was said to have used shit (faeces) to cook beans for hundreds of people around the Aluu area. And I told them that we may be going to a similar place, or how could they explain the fact that I hadn’t been to Omoku in about six months, but rather than eat at the hotel, I was driving away to a buka to get food. I made it seem like something, maybe, sinister was pushing me to go that far away to eat, and it may be more than just the taste of the food. We laughed over it and both Ufuoma and Creamy begged that I do not ruin their appetite for the food we planned to eat.
Dinner was good and then it was back to the hotel to get ready for the sit out.
Omoku is amazing
Since 2013 I have been making trips to Omoku twice a month when the League is in season, of course to watch games involving Go Round FC and sometimes, Nembe City, Bayelsa United and Rivers United, depending on who their opponents are.
I saw Omoku as a place I could call “Enjoyment Town” because the Krisdera Hotel was always full of life. It had great nightlife and a night club that was great to be in.
During the crisis in the town a few years back, orchestrated by gun totting gang members, I also visited Omoku regularly, but would meet an empty town with no inhabitants. Most houses would be locked, a ghost town. There was hardly any inhabitants in the town then, but we would come for league games in fear until we got into the safety of Krisdera Hotel. With the stadium just opposite the hotel, we would just watch the game and go back to the hotel. No one ever ventured out of the hotel premises, neither in the day nor at night. Even at the hotel, we would find out we (those that came for the football game) were the only guests at the hotel. Of course, the night club shut down (obviously) and there was no fun there, except to watch football at the stadium, and then on TV at the poolside or in our rooms.
But Omoku is a better place to be now, as during our visit, we could go out to the town to grab some food, then sit out at the pool side for a drink out with some soft music playing in the back ground, it was a welcome development too.
Our table had a bottle of Vodka, palm-wine, energy drinks, malt drinks and water. Then we ordered some barbecued Croaker fish.
Peter Abaje of Ray Power, Port Harcourt joined us at our table and we spent most of the night talking about politics and the 2023 elections. We discussed Rivers State elections and then the presidential elections. We did not even talk about sports.
Peter and Natasha did justice to the Vodka, Ufuoma drank Palm wine while Creamy Sugar and me did energy drinks. The fish was awesome when it came, but we couldn’t sit there forever and had to retire to our rooms eventually.
At 11pm, we were ready to shut down for the night. We ag
reed on departure time in the morning, 8am.
Before we left, I teased Creamy that her husband would be gone for a while, as he returns to Lagos. Her response was that she doesn’t mind as long as he gives her enough to eat before he leaves. Jesus!
We laughed our way back into our rooms and reminded each other of departure time.  It was a fun trip, eventually, well, er, except the football match.
Travel with China continues with a trip to a town or city near you. Watch this space.

0 thoughts on “Travel with China: How much sex is too much?

  1. The details makes it more interesting and nice to read, this is very beautiful, as a civil engineer I got inspiration from you and I am counting all my designs and site works I have embarked on, I’ll never forget our history in Omoku 2018 GoRound FC vs Nasarawa United

    Keep it up boss

  2. 🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣..A beautiful piece of writing… But hey that creamy sugar ..lmao

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