Memoirs of a Bolt Guy: One Friday afternoon

by Victor Kwame Sampong

A rather interesting event occurred on Friday afternoon, and it was quite funny too.

I was on my way to Market Square to get bread so I could take home since it was almost time for my midday break, but unfortunately, I forgot to turn off my app.

This was when Destiny booked a ride, that I accepted anyway and proceeded to her pick-up point.

She was already by her gate waiting for me, all tensed and ready for action.

“Could you speed up a bit?” She asked me, as soon as I drove off.

“Don’t worry, I will pay some extra.”

I pretended not to hear that part as I continued like normal.

I don’t go beyond 80km/h within the town. And for me to get to 80km/h, I’ll have to be on some select roads like Eliozu, East/West Road, Oyigbo Express and Airport Road. Where I dey speed dey go na?

Well, I still managed to get to her destination on time though (by my estimation), and as she hurriedly came down, she asked me to wait by the gate because I’ll take her back home.

By the time I would respond with my terms and conditions for waiting, she already dashed into the gate where we parked. Na so I kukuma fall seat backwards dey wait na.

After about ten minutes, I started hearing noises from the compound that Destiny had dashed into. At first, I ignored them, but when the noises and the shouts increased, I decided to take a peek.

Boy oh boy! It was a boobs and arse festival right before my eyes. There was a big fight going on and I don almost miss am finish. Nevertheless, it is always better late than never!

As I moved in and closer to the action, I was seeing torn clothes, scattered wigs, exposed body parts, waist beads on the ground too, pant don dey show…Omoh…!!! See luck…sorry…see something!

Nobody even dey the compound sef. Na just me and three ladies, engaged in a WWE-styled Handicapped Matchup (two versus one). Sometimes, bad thing dey sweet me.

So, for some two or three minutes, I stood there watching the show with excitement. It’s not every day one gets to see three pretty ladies doing this, with so much on offer. I felt like a rich boss being entertained in some private VIP room.

“Slap her! Naked her! Tear her bra!” Destiny screamed out like someone demon-possessed, to her partner.

“Ashawo Kobo kobo!” the other girl screamed out in tears as she tried to cup her breasts that were getting exposed. She was trying to fight Destiny and another girl and was being pummelled and stripped naked.

“Boyfriend snatcher!” She cried as she took in slaps and tried to stop her blouse from being torn, to no avail.

Her blouse was already torn and ripped out of her body, and so was her bra, except she did not wear one initially. My eyes darted around to look for bra pieces on the ground, but there were none, so maybe, she did not wear a bra.

She was naked from the waist up and amid slaps and punches from the two girls, she tried to hold her breast in place. 

I figured that if not that she wore jeans and trousers, her two attackers would have torn them off and rendered her totally naked. I wondered what could be the cause of the rage against her.

Seeing it was getting out of hand, I rushed to restore peace and calm frayed nerves. It wasn’t an easy task for just me alone. Who I wan hold without being seen as biased? Where I wan hold without it being termed harassment or tapping current? I was in tricky terrain. But I succeeded in keeping them apart, while they continued the fight verbally.

The half-naked girl would not give up. It seemed as though she had resigned herself to her naked fate as she tried to charge at either of the other girls, maybe in a bid to inflict some form of damage or the other. I couldn’t even stop her, because there was nothing to hold, without holding the wrong thing. But eventually, I was able to get Destiny, my client and her cohort away from the half-naked one.

My client then ordered her partner to lock the doors to the house. They then got into my car and called on me to drive them away. She who pays the piper dictates the tune. Na so we leave the other girl there drive comot.

We were barely two minutes into the ride when Destiny started with what had just happened.

The girl she came to rescue was her elder sister, Diana.

Diana was supposed to spend the weekend at her boyfriend’s place (the house wey the fight happen). She and the boy had gotten there and the guy had to go out to attend to other businesses, to return later in the evening.

A few hours later, she heard a knock on the outer metal door that woke her up from sleep. It was the other lady (they termed her an intruder). The ‘intruder’ claimed that it was her man’s house and tried to force herself in. Diana said she tried to tell her the guy in question isn’t around and since she doesn’t know her, she can’t let her in. Either she waits till he gets back or she leaves and returns later. A response that backfired as the girl started insulting her and shouting expletives on her.

Things got heated up in the exchanges and the ‘intruder’ poured on her the contents of the bottled water she was holding in her hand. Diana couldn’t take it any more so she called Destiny for backup. Like a raging bull, Destiny came and delivered on her mandate.

From my vantage commentary box at the time I was inside the compound, I could authoritatively say that the ‘intruder’ was severely dealt with. She stood no chance even with Destiny alone. She reminded me of Mercy Johnson in one of her movies where she was a village bully. Same mould and size as Destiny.

But this was one lucky guy though…having two pretty ladies fight over him. I think I’ve heard that song before… ‘The Boy Is Mine’ by Brandy and Monica!