Memoirs of a Bolt Guy: Men can’t pleasure women?

By Victor Kwame Sampong

So, I got a call from one of my senior men from outside the state during the week to pick him up from the Port Harcourt airport the next day; he was flying in. It had been years since we last crossed paths.

So once he boarded on Wednesday morning, he hit me up and I immediately drove to the airport. We didn’t take long to see and exchange pleasantries like long-lost paddies.

We started catching up on old times as we arrived at his preferred destination. We took a detour for him to see another old friend at his office, and he too couldn’t resist the urge to join us in the car for the rest of the journey.

As we dey go na, my senior man begin gist us Oo. How he hit up this old babe of his in Port Harcourt to inform her that he’s back in town and if them fit see? The babe, who was excited to hear from him after all these years, also didn’t hesitate.

However, her coming out this time was with a caveat. She can’t sleep out. My senior man was curious to know why the a change in the rules of engagement this time. He said the banny told him that she’s happily married now, so they can see and run their package, but she still gotta return to the loving hands of her husband.

My guy said he was stunned by the audacity of his lady friend. But he had no choice but to decline her generous offer. Sleeping with a married woman goes against the ‘Bro Code’ and there are still some of us who uphold these unwritten rules.

Now, let’s move on!

A senior colleague in the journalism sector and also a friend, Kazeem (Of course, not his real name), hit Port Harcourt two days before the Super Eagles game vs South Africa. Alongside my boss, China Acheru and other esteemed colleagues, we all made the trip to Uyo on the eve of the game and returned a day after it.

Kazeem had indeed enjoyed his time down South and he was due to make the journey back to base. Sadly, he couldn’t get flights to Abuja as all were fully booked throughout the week. He opted to return to Uyo by Road and take a flight to the Federal Capital Territory instead. In order not to turn up late on Tuesday morning for his trip to the bus station, I decided to go spend the night with him and China at The Manor.

I didn’t want to drive to Choba alone, so I set my app destination to Choba, so I could just get a ride there. It didn’t take long for one to hit me from GRA to just after the Rumuosi Junction. I got to the pickup point and found this pretty lady waiting to board the car. Damn, she was fine. Nice, soft, phat ass and a good amount of boobs to go with too, light-skinned. But she was looking unhappy. It was written all over her face.

I started the trip, and just as I was about to leave the hotel, I had a call from a female friend. We went on and on for a while, saying all sorts of naughty stuff to each other. My client was enjoying the conversation, as I caught her stealing a couple of glances my way with a ‘cheeky smile’ on her face, trying to adjust herself in the front seat with me too. I knew I had her. This was going to be fun. I made sure I wasn’t going fast at all, so by the time we got to Okilton Junction, my call was over.

Na so I enter her too….

“Wetin dey make you smile since na? I been think sey you dey vex?”, I queried.

She now replied, “Men ehn, see as you don full that girl head”…all the while, still smiling.

I then poked further, to why she was unhappy initially. I told her it’s okay for her to share because as she has already seen/heard, me sef my own no good…lol.

Amaka was very disappointed with the man she came to see at the hotel I picked her up from. She said the man didn’t give her what she wanted, sexually.

Speaking further, she said he is indeed endowed between his legs, but it’s a waste of assets as he doesn’t know what to do with it. Despite it being a paid service, she hoped it would be more eventful upon sighting it. Now, she’s leaving there with good money, but it didn’t take more than ten minutes, therefore unsatisfied.  Her conclusion thus is, that men these days don’t know how to pleasure women.

Now, that’s a slap on the brotherhood. I told her in no uncertain terms that I won’t have that. Sex is an art, and for some skilful artists like…erm… they’ve mastered it and made it a second nature of some sort.

We started talking about different ways to please both genders…the good, bad and the dirty. Amaka was more than impressed with my vast knowledge of the subject matter. I saw her shifting from side to side, adjusting her legs onto my dashboard (something I don’t take from riders, but had to make an exception because the occasion called for it).

We go talk small, then she go slap my arm or shoulder, saying, Guy, you bad Oo. Meanwhile, I dey hear am in Apostle Suleman’s voice as… You’re a bad boy. You’re a very bad boy … hehehehe!

By the time we drove into her close, she asked what was next for me. I lied that I still have a few hours left to wrap things up because I only move at night.

Amaka told me I could come up with her let’s have a drink and continue our conversation. She lives alone and it doesn’t look like she wants to sleep anytime soon. I looked around and looked at the building too…e make sense. However, like most men, sleeping at a woman’s house is a risky business.

She said many things to convince me, but I still wasn’t moved. Make person no follow sweet thing, I go come wake up without some parts of my body. What if I wake up without my heart, kidneys, liver or even my precious O-negative blood type? Omoh, the risk plenty Oo.

I told her, as enticing as the offer was, I’ll take a rain check. Maybe in due time, we’ll revisit the issue. But for now, I have to get to The Manor before they let the dogs out.

I got paid, with an extra 3k tip and I zoomed off! But not without stopping a few times to replay the offer in my head over and over again.

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