Diary of a junkie: I’m really now a junkie


By Garnet
Life is a game. You can either choose to be the player, or choose to be the played.
I laid down but couldn’t find sleep. I was torn between trying to make the novel I was supposedly reading interesting and convincing myself that Africans were just an archaic bunch that were still very backward in our way of life and our thoughts.
It was in between this tug of war that my phone rang.
I checked the time, and it was almost mid night. I wasn’t expecting a call from anybody, and even if I was, not at that odd hour. I’d completely forgotten about my new found ‘friend’, Stephen.
I picked up my phone with hopes of lecturing someone about phone etiquette when I was greeted to a warm voice (I must say), and an apology.
“Hey, this is Stephen. Remember me?”…
How could I forget the guy responsible for my first ever real roll of marijuana?
Before I could snap out of my reverie, an apology was in order. “I’m sorry for calling you at this hour, I just couldn’t help it and I kept praying you’d still be awake. Thank heavens you still are.”
Wow, somebody pinch me would you?!
How can one guy be cute, smart, caring and gentle all at once I thought to myself. It just didn’t seem real enough to be true, but I recovered quickly and we continued talking.
It was way past mid night and as much as I wanted to call it a night, I found that I couldn’t.  I remembered I had an early start that day and really had to sleep if I wanted to avoid moving round campus with heavy eyes.
As though reading my mind from the other end of the phone, Stephen was bringing the conversation to an end with an invite for another outing come Friday evening.
The part of me that still had a bit of sanity was screaming I say no and order this dude out of my life for good, while the part of me that would dive at any opportunity for an adventure was screaming for the exact opposite. Of course, I gave in and told him it was a date.
As though my body was in synchronization with Stephen’, sleep came after that call and I could swear that I slept with a glow and woke up the next morning with a wide grin.
I’m sure I didn’t sleep a wink at all that night cause next thing I know I was waking up to the break of dawn.
I went about my day like there was nothing up while my heart was in a frenzy of thought. Thoughts of Stephen clouded my day, and different images of what Friday would look like flashed in my mind’s eye like a slideshow.
I didn’t reprimand myself and unlike me I didn’t tell a soul about Stephen for reasons that are still unknown to me even to this day.
When I met Stephen, exams were just around the corner but I didn’t care. I thought; after all, my intake of marijuana isn’t an everyday thing so what’s the big deal?
I forced myself to become deaf to all the advice the good girl in me was giving. I shut my ears to all of my mom’s warning. I couldn’t wait for Friday. I couldn’t wait to hang out with someone other than my course mate or roommate. I didn’t take Stephen for the everyday regular Joe, rather I saw him as one demigod.
Mind you, Stephen was nice, and he knew what was in vogue then, so to hell with caution and doing things right. I was hanging out with this dude come what may.
All I wanted to do was have fun, and nothing was going to stand in the way of that. 
This time, I wasn’t smoking leftovers. I wasn’t hiding from the watchful eyes of elders around. I was my own boss, and I wanted to do what bosses do; issue orders rather than receive.
To make a habit, do it. To not make a habit, don’t do it. But to unmake a habit, do something else in place of it. Fate has a way of making us think that twists and turns in our life’s journey are actually straight lines, and its funny cause more often than not, tons of people fall for this trick.
Apparently, I was amongst the ‘lucky’ few that didn’t find a way to maneuver life’s twists and turns, rather I dived in with both eyes open and all my senses intact. It was now a matter of time before I’ll look up to the heavens and weep; ‘had I known…’

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