Diary of a junkie: All hell breaks loose


By Garnet
If you keep pushing, someone or something’s gonna push back.
I couldn’t afford to mess myself up. Even if that was inevitable, not in a club!
I had not told Stephen I had been battling with typhoid fever for a week.
I had been down, thought it was malaria and self-medicated a week earlier, but on going to a lab for some tests they told me it was typhoid.
I was placed on medication and told to rest but I couldn’t resist the chance to get high.
I snatched Stephen’s car keys and practically ran out of the club. But I wasn’t fast enough…
“Common babe, are you OK?  Talk to me!  Say something!”
“What was wrong with Stephen,” I thought. 
I’m screaming my lungs out and he’s asking that I say something.
I had no idea what was going to happen to me but I felt as though I was about to breathe my last.
“Where am I?” I think that was me talking because in less than no time Stephen was at my side…
“Shh! You’ll be fine. Just rest”.
I wasn’t having that. I’m no sick baby. I’ll rest, but first I want to know where I am.
So I asked again; “Where am I?”
My tone must have had an edge because Stephen brought his lips to my forehead and said, “We’re back home.  You were out for a while. Just rest. I’m here.”
With that he laid beside me and placed my head on his chest.
I’m sure was asleep before my head touched his chest. 
I woke up dazed. I raised my head and stared into eyes that held so much worry. I looked past Stephen and noticed that it was still 3am in the morning. 
“What happened?”
He was about to tell me not to bother but the look I gave him stopped him.
“Well, after you rushed out of the club, I went out after you and met your collapsed form just outside the car.  I would ask what happened, but you need to rest.”
I didn’t feel the tears slide down but felt Stephen’s finger wipe them.
“I’m sorry I embarrassed you, I started but Stephen wasn’t having a pity party. He said I rest and we’ll talk in the morning.
But I couldn’t let it slide.  I had to clear the air.
I opened my mouth to say something but the words were not coming forth. I had to struggle between shutting up (which wasn’t an option), trying to talk and fight tears.
But I wasn’t about to be sent off to bed like a 5yr old…
“Last week I felt feverish and as usual took some anti- malarial drugs. But after I didn’t feel better after three days I went to a lab for a test and I was told it was typhoid fever.
“I was supposed to be taking drugs and resting in bed but I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to hang out with you,” I explained without even looking up at him.
“I’m very sorry I didn’t tell you before now, and I’m very sorry for any embarrassment I must have caused you.”
“Why wasn’t he saying anything?”
 All this grammar I just finished speaking didn’t fall on deaf ears now, or did it?
“You know what, I’ll leave first thing in the morning and you won’t know I ever existed.”
“What do you mean by leave?  Leave to where? Leave me for who?”
The questions came in quick succession I wasn’t sure he was expecting a reply.
“You don’t have to put up with me you know?”
“What are friends for if not for little inconveniences,” I heard him say with a wink.
At this point, the tears came but I wasn’t letting down my guard…Not tonight.
“When I saw you that fateful Wednesday, I kinda knew I’d found another sister.
My sisters are married and not even in the country. You would be my little baby…through thick and thin. I promise to help you past life’s hurdles. It’s not going to be easy, but we’re a team”.  
OK, why is this guy hell bent on seeing me tear up? I’m not having that I thought and fought within myself to keep the tears back.
“You really have to sleep now boo. We’re doing mommy’s monthly shopping tomorrow”.
Hmm! After seeing me in whatever state he met me in, he was still willing to let me see his mom? I leaned in to his embrace, laid my head on his chest, and slept like a baby.
With Stephen, the surprises never end.
But now he knows how reckless I can be that I could sacrifice my health just to get high.
Was he going to let me continue to smoke weed, drink raw codeine and other high end drinks with him or would he put a stop to it?
Why couldn’t I just stop on my own? Maybe now he knows and says he will take me as a younger sister, he will ensure I stop?
Then how will it work? Do I hang around him then he sends me away while he is using drugs or would he let me watch him but not let me touch it?
I needed to rest. Tomorrow may answer all these questions.
All the art of living lies in the mingling of holding on or letting go.

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