Beer Parlour Talk: When nobody wants to eat GOAT meat


By China Acheru

If you have been watching Manchester United games this season, you will see that Cristiano Ronaldo cuts a forlorn look either on the bench or the few minutes he gets to play.

The other thing is that he is trying too hard to make the world think he is happy and not worried, but we all know he cannot sleep at night because he has a big problem.

Ronaldo, like we heard was on his way to Manchester City last season to live a soft life. Raheem Sterling, Keven De Bryune and Bernardo Silva would have done all the work for him. He would not have needed to run, just be in the 6 yard box and bury the simple tap ins. In Nigerian parlance we call them ‘Food is ready’ or ‘Thank you Jesus’ goals. At that time I believed that Cristiano would get at least 30 goals, maybe more. Then we heard (and I pick my words carefully) that former team mates like Patrice Evra and Rio Ferdinand, plus gaffer, Sir Alex Ferguson diverted him and he went to the more popular Manchester United and began to suffer.

The team failed to qualify for the UEFA Champions League and phase 2 of his problem began.

How can he be playing in the Europa League and leave his eternal rival Lionel Messi to play in the Champions League and close the gap on goals? Mba nu! He had to leave. And he made it known early enough.

Each time, Messi scores a goal in the Champions League, he goes closer to Cristiano’s record and he does not want that so he needs a club in the Champions League. Can you blame him?

Already, in the league, Lionel Messi has four goals for PSG this season, while Ronaldo has none for Manchester United and he is watching his back. Each time Messi scores, Ronaldo looks at the statistics. He is worried. Right now, they both have 698 career goals in club football, so Messi has just one more goal to go past Cristiano. Cristiano only trumps him on total goals scored, 815 to 784, because he has gotten more goals for his National Team.

The next time Messi scores a goal and Cristiano doesn’t, he becomes the highest goal scorer, at club level for a player currently active. And it will only be a matter of time before he closes up on the 31 goals difference if Cristiano does not start scoring fast. Now, do you all understand the problem? Cristiano has to leave.

But the thing is, nobody wants the GOAT. No one can afford him. His agents have pimped him to almost every club in the Champions League and they have all said no. The Chelsea owner wanted him, but Tuchel said NO after he spoke with Ralf Ragnick, the former Manchester United coach. We heard they suggested him to Napoli, but the guys said no. I have heard Sporting Lisbon, Borussia Dortmond too. The truth is he can even be offered to Enyimba FC in Nigeria but they will turn him down too, because they can’t afford him.

With two more days until the Transfer window slams shut, what happens to Cristiano Ronaldo. You just have to feel for the GOAT that nobody wants. Never in my life have I seen any one reject Asun. Except when there is too much pepper.

King Haaland

I remember when Manchester City signed Haaland. Many people thought he would flop, because they said the EPL was not the same as the Bundesliga. They thought his style was not suited to what Manchester City played. Laughable! It was either they were just haters trying to banter Manchester City, rivals fans who were bitter that their club did not sign him, people that did not really understand football, or maybe, analysts that got their projections wrong. If you have ever watched Haaland, you will know that he makes goal scoring very easy.

I maintained then and still maintain it now that unless Haaland gets an injury that keeps him out for more than a month, he will score and score and score in England until he gets tired of scoring goals. I see him getting about forty goals in all competitions this season. It is just five games played and he has six goals already. Champions League, FA Cup and EFL Cup have not even started.

One more thing- Every time Haaland scores, Crsitiano curses Patrice Evra, Rio Ferdinand and Sir Alex. It would have been him, and not Haaland.

Uncle Lewandowski

At the last count, Robert Lewandowski has scored 546 goals in 751 appearances for his different clubs. There are few goal scorers of his level or better than him.
Remove Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi and I doubt if there is any other as prolific as he is.

At Bayern Munich he scored 344 goals in 375 appearance and thought it was time to move on. He chose Barcelona. Many did not understand why he chose Barca, but it was his choice. He already has 4 goals from 3 appearances, and his brace against Valladolid on Sunday were outstanding, both of them are goals you would consider class acts.

Lewandowski is the goals’ father and he knows his son is Haaland, but he will keep scoring because that is what he knows how to do best. We will keep watching Barcelona games, just to, at least see Lewandowski score more goals.

Do Liverpool fans really know what they want?

Yes, they do, or at least they think they do. All they want is what every football fan wants, and that is for their club to bring players in. Liverpool fans, some of them may have gone overboard with the criticisms of the club, the coach, and the players, especially after two draws and a loss to Manchester United, but it seemed to them that the club did not know what they all knew.

The team started the season with a lot of injury prone players- Matip, Joe Gomez, Thiago Alcantara, Alex Oxlade Chamberlain and Keita. These players can get injured while reading a book or watching TV and three of them were midfielders. Unfortunately for the team, some others picked up injuries- Konate, Calvin Ramsay, Diogo Jota, Roberto Firminho and Curtis Jones, yet there was nothing coming in.

Didn’t they want to win? Of course they do, but Liverpool, especially since FSG and Klopp do not panic buy and they patiently wait for their target, so the club refused to buy, especially that you do not give a new player a 4 year contract because of a 3 weeks injury crisis, because none of the injuries are really long term.

The fans are angry, and they have suggested lots of names, and their favourite ITKs on Social Media have helped them push names out in the public. According to rumours, Liverpool want to buy Ruben Neves, Konrad Laimer, Leandro Paredes, Ismael Bennacer, Joao Gomes, Yeremy Pino, Marcelo Brozovic, Will Osula, and Martin Terrier. Liverpool have also reportedly shown interest in Sande Berg, Marco Asensio, Jude Bellingham, Aurélien Tchouaméni, Kouadio Koné and Frankie De Jong.

What the fans do not realise is that the bloggers and ITKs know how hungry they are for a transfer, so will continue to cook up these rumours as click baits for the web pages and to get engagements on Social Media. If you have been on these Liverpool Whatsapp groups, it is amazing, the intensity with which these transfer speculations are discussed and how the attributes of these players and how they fit into Liverpool play style are analysed.

In all of these, I see Juergen Klopp, probably just sipping his beer, reading these rumours and laughing over them with his assistant, Pep.
We will be alright, but with two days to go, will Liverpool FC invest in a new player? I hope so, but the chances are poor. All these injured midfielders will be back within the next month.

Fingers crossed though.

Arsenal have finally been left alone

It’s a low self-esteem kind of thing that makes Arsenal fans think other fans hate them. Nobody needs to hate Arsenal. They are not worth more than they are, so why should anyone waste his hatred on them. The thing is my friend, Damiete Sanipe, like many other Arsenal fans thought people were always talking about Arsenal, when they lose, and my explanation to him was that they were always losing, so, what did he expect?

I will give an example. Last season, it seemed like all other football fans in world came together to celebrate Liverpool’s loss to Madrid in the Champions League final. Very few had bantered Liverpool all year long. Until the last day of the season they were in the title race; they won the two domestic cups and now were in the final in Europe. They were not losing matches. That was a rare loss, so the world was only too happy to take advantage of the sudden opportunity. So, Arsenal fans wanted to compare their club to Liverpool? Their club that loses every other week? A club that creates banter material regularly? Chai! But look at this season- four games, four wins. The world is quiet because the club has shocked everyone, even their own fans. My advise to Arsenal fans- milk it. Boast. Mock others. Get on our nerves. This is your time to shine. The losses will come eventually and they world will come at you. Take your chance now you have it. Rub it in. Your winning run will not last forever.

Betting tips for the midweek

Again, some conservative betting for the midweek.

Leeds v Everton 1.5
Sassuolo v Milan DC Milan
Roma v Monza, Roma win
Arsenal v Villa 1.5
Manchester City v Forrest 2.5, you can take a chance for Haaland as any time scorer
Liverpool v Newcastle Liverpool win or 1.5
Juventus v Spezia 1.5
Napoli v Leece 1.5
Leicester v Manchester United 1.5

Good luck, and bet responsibly

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